If You Want To Be With Me, Then You Need To Put In The Effort

I used to operate under the assumption that all men were like fine wine they get better with age. I sincerely believed that as a man would grow older, he would gain a better understanding of what it really means to be a person of value in this world. I used to really think that men would just gain a more profound understanding of love and relationships as time goes by. I thought all men were just destined to get better as they get older. But I thought wrong. Not all men get better. In fact, a vast majority of men don’t know what it means to grow and develop as human beings. So many men don’t understand that importance of personal growth and maturity. A lot of men don’t know what it means to push past their own personal peaks.

It’s important to stress however that not all men are the same. There are a few outliers out there who give us hope. They give us a reason to still believe that men can be better if they wanted to. There are a bunch of men out there who really understand that life is a journey of perpetual growth and one can never be content with just staying in place. These men know that they need to constantly be working and hustling to gain for themselves the lives that they truly want. But for now, these men continue to elude me. I can never seem to catch them within my crosshairs. At this very moment, I can’t seem to find anyone who is actually worthy of my time, effort, commitment, and love.

And this is the important thing to really keep in mind. We can’t afford to be wasting our time with just anyone or anything that just isn’t worth it anymore. We have to know that our time is valuable. In fact, it’s the most valuable thing we could ever receive in life; and it’s the most precious thing that we could ever give to another person. Time is fleeting and it’s not something that we can just negotiate for. It’s not something that we can just ask more of from the universe. It’s something that’s given to us, and when our time is up, that’s it. There is no bargaining involved or anything. We take what we get and we give what we can. And that’s why we can’t afford to just go on like this. We can’t afford to keep on giving our time to people who just don’t deserve it. We can’t be offering our time to people who would never give us any of their time in return. We can’t be so willing to just give our time to men just because they have a cute smile or a witty pick-up line. We can’t just be so welling to spend time with a man who has a chiseled physique and a strong chin. It has to go deeper than that. Our time is worth so much more than that.

I really want a quality man a man who is actually worthy of my time. No. Scratch that. I don’t want a quality man. I need a quality man. We all need a quality man because otherwise, it would be better to just be alone than in a relationship that’s actually not worth the effort. We can’t just be content with being with a man who looks good as we walk down the street together. We can’t just be content with looking for a trophy man we can show off to people at parties and events. We need someone who doesn’t just look the part. We need someone who has the kind of personality that matches the exterior. We need a man of depth who can actually add value and perspective to our lives. We shouldn’t be so quick to fall victim to the aesthetics of love we need to go deeper.

I’m looking for a guy who’s actually willing to walk the walk; not just someone who talks a big game. I need to be with a man who overdelivers. I don’t want someone who overhypes and underwhelms. I need to be with someone who promises me nothing but still gives me everything. I don’t want to make any more time for men who are just looking to play around. I don’t want to be with a man who isn’t going to take me seriously. I’m not looking to be with a man who is going to be reckless with his love. I need to be with someone who genuinely understands me and my personal needs. I need a man who can actually give the kind of effort that I expect him to give. I need to be with someone who is worthy of my time; someone who is worthy of my love.

This Is Why Strong Girls Are The Ones Who Get So Easily Attached

It doesn’t mater if the relationship you had with one another got hot and heavy or not. It doesn’t matter if you didn’t really get the chance to go deep with your feelings with one another. The very fact that you expressed an interest in her and that you made a move was more than enough. You manage to grab her attention and that did her in. You had her hooked and there was nothing that she could do about it. That’s just really the way that she is. She immediately gets attached to any man who gives her the slightest bit of attention. She is a strong girl who seems to fall in love and grow attached a little too easily.

All it really took was a simple wink and a smile and you sent her into a downward spiral. That did it in for her. That was enough to make her knees weak and her boots shake. She had here eyes set on you and there was no ungluing her gaze from you. She was hooked. You had her on a leash and she didn’t want out of it. She grew attached to you to the idea of the two of you being together.

Now don’t mistake of branding her with someone who is shallow or as someone who lacks a general resolve to pursue depth and understanding. She didn’t become attached to you just because you had a pretty face. She didn’t become attached to you just because you flashed those pearly whites at her or that you let her gaze deep into your eyes longingly. She didn’t become attached to you because of your strong chin and the subtle ruggedness of your facial stubble. She became attached to you because you actually made her feel significant you actually gave her the validation that she has been desperately looking for in other people. You actually made her feel like she has a place in this world that she has fighting so hard to be a part of since she was born. She is so used to being ignored and overlooked she clung to you the moment you chose to shine the spotlight on her for a bit.

She’s damaged, but aren’t we all? She is broken inside and she’s trying to make the best out of what she’s being given. She has many emotional wounds and scars. She has many weaknesses but that doesn’t mean that she’s weak. She has been let down so many times before by so many different people. But that doesn’t mean that she’s lost hope in the world. That doesn’t mean that she’s lost hope in love and in humanity. She still believes in the power of love in the capacity of people to actually make a positive change with love. The truth is that she has also grown to be bitter. She has loathed people because she expects so much from everyone and they just keep on letting her down. But that doesn’t mean that she wouldn’t be willing to welcome anyone into her life with open arms. She still maintains that firm belief in the great powers of positivity. She still thinks that she can leave a profound mark on this world with her positive energy. She still maintains the hope that eventually, her belief in people is going to pay off for her substantially.

She still clings to the hope that the guy who actually smiled at her when they first met is going to be the boy who brings her the happiness that she has been seeking for the longest time. She is hoping that the man who sent her flowers on a random day just to bring a smile to her face is going to be the man who will be responsible for the thousands of smiles she is going to have in her lifetime. She clings to the hope that you will bring to reality everything that she has been dreaming up of in her fantasies.

So don’t think that she’s weak just for getting so attached to you. It takes a great deal of strength to come back from a letdown. It takes a great deal of strength to recover from being disappointed by something you become so invested and attached to. It takes a great deal of strength to rise from the adversity of heartbreak and despair. But that’s what she’s doing. She’s allowing herself to become attached and vulnerable because she knows that she’s strong enough to take it if things don’t work out.

You’re Going To Regret Losing The Girl Who Loved You Too Much

One day, you’re going to wake up and you’re going to realize that she’s no longer waking up beside you -and she’s probably going to be waking up elsewhere for the rest of your days. She’s actually going to choose to be with someone who deliberately chooses to be with her every day. She is going to choose to love someone who loves her back just as much something that you never did for her. You might cross paths a few more times in the future, but it won’t matter much to her. She might not even take notice of you because she’s too happy with the love that she has now. She will look like that same girl who once loved you but with one significant difference she loves someone else now.

She will no longer look and lock eyes with you the way that she used to. She is no longer going to drool over the sight of you. Her heart is no longer going to skip a beat at the thought of you. She isn’t going to romanticize you any longer. Know why? Because when she found out that you would never be willing to give her the love that she gave you, then she just chose to devote all of that love to herself instead. And she became infinitely happier as a result. You are going to notice a confidence in her that you’ve never seen before the same kind of confidence that you threatened every single day you were together.

You’re going to miss her so much but you’re never going to get the chance to win her back. You are going to grow regretful of the way that she chose to love you convincingly and wholeheartedly. She was the kind of girl who would always be ready to talk about you and make you the center of attention in the relationship. She was the kind of girl who would be racing to send you a reply on her phone because she didn’t want you to think that she was making you wait. She was the kind of girl whose phone calls you rarely ever returned because you didn’t think she would be worth the time.

And then you’re going to give in to a few of your temptations. You’re going to look over your old pictures and mementos. You’re going to reminisce about the great times that you had with her and you’re going to learn to appreciate them now because you never really did make the effort to appreciate them as they were happening. It’s only now where you will really start to take notice of the little things that she did for you and the relationship. It’s only now where you will really develop your attention to detail. It’s only now where you will really learn about just how good you had it and how stupid you are for letting it go.

And in these moments of vulnerability, your feelings and emotions are going to come crashing down on you like a fallen building. You’re going to be remorseful at the idea of you never finding another girl who will love you the way that she did. You are going to be sad at the fact that you’ve just lost a girl who deserved so much more than you ever gave her. You’re going to regret losing the girl who love you too much.

And now you’re just going to wallow in your sadness. You’re just going to drown in your sea of regret because there’s not much you can do to win her back. She’s chosen to move on and she’s happy because of it. In this scenario, you are the one who came out as the loser. You have to move on but it’s going to be so much harder for you. Because really, how can anyone ever move on from the one person who loved them in ways that no one else ever could or ever will? She was one of a kind. And you let her go.

A Strong Woman Doesn’t Need A Man To Find Success In Life

That’s the kind of mindset that a strong woman is always going to have, and that is precisely why she is never going to be afraid of putting herself out there. The moment that you are going to be in the presence of a strong woman for the very first time, you’re going to feel it. You’re going to understand why she is going to be as revered as she is. She has a very commanding presence. She is always going to be able to demand the full attention of any room that she’s going to be in. She has a sense of self-assuredness and confidence about her that convince other people that she’s a person who is worth taking note of. She has the kind of self-esteem that a lot of us will want for ourselves as well.

She Is the kind of woman who has been through some very dark times. She might seem like she has all it all figured out, but there was once a point in her life wherein she felt completely lost. She has had to endure so many hardships and hurdles. She has had to recover from so many heartbreaks and disappointments. She has had to reassess so many broken dreams and lost goals. She has been through hell and back – and even though she might look beautiful now, her story is far from being a pretty one. She is a woman who has had to break herself multiple times in the past in order for her to grow. She has had to put herself through so many uncomfortable situations just to reach the level of comfort that she has now.

She is the kind of woman who is always going to captain her own ship. She calls all of the shots in her life. She is going to take command of everything that happens to her because that’s just how she is. She is going to be fully responsible for everything that she does. She will always own up to everything that she has become. She will always be accountable for her actions and she will never be looking to pass the blame onto anyone else. She is not one who is known to be pointing fingers. She is not one who looks to other people to do the heavy lifting for her. She is not someone who is going to be looking to other people to take the blame for her own faults. She owns up to her own faults and deficiencies but she isn’t afraid of basking in the glory of her own successes either because she knows she deserves it.

She is a woman who has been broken into so many pieces in the past, but she has used all of those pieces to build herself the life that she’s living now. As much as she wants to trust in other people, she knows that she can only ever really rely on herself at the end of the day. She knows that she can always turn to the people she loves if she ever becomes desperate, but she never wants to be put in a position where she feels helpless. She has built herself up to become the woman who can fight her own battles, solve her own problems, and slay her own dragons. She is a damsel but she is never going to be in distress. She is a warrior and she knows that life is just one big fight.

She is a dreamer. However, she knows that she isn’t necessarily going to get everything that she wants in life if she keeps relying on other people for it. She is a go-getter. She always goes after everything that she wants because she knows that she is capable of doing so. She is an achiever. She isn’t afraid of putting in the hard work to be worthy of the best things that life may have to offer. She is relentless in her pursuit of happiness. And she is never going to let anything deter her from her biggest goals and dreams in life. She isn’t going to let anything or anyone stand in the way of her becoming the woman she intends to be; the woman who she needs to be.

However, despite her strength and independence, she still has a heart for others. She is still a woman who knows how to love. She is passionate and she has an intense personality but she also knows how to channel these things into other people. She may be driven to succeed but she will never be the type of girl who steps on other peoples’ toes just to get what she wants.

Moving on

When you move on from him that does not mean that you’ve forgotten him. It does not mean that all the feelings are completely gone. It does not mean that you have forgotten all the dreams you have shared together. It does not mean that you have forgotten all the memories that you have shared. It does not mean that you have forgotten his promises.

Moving on means you just free yourself from further hurt. You just free yourself from further misery. You just free yourself from being treated like shit.

Moving on means you already accepted the fact that you deserve better in life. You accepted that you only deserve happiness. It means that you are prioritising yourself.

Moving on means you’ve accepted that he is just another lesson in life. You accepted that he is just a part of your past.

You still care, but you don’t want to be with him anymore. You have learned how to be happy without him. You have learned to love yourself more. It might take time but you will get there.

words by: neil jed castro

when I miss someone

This resonates to me in such deep level. “Don’t take anyone for granted.” I have made the same mistake time and time again. And I regret each time I did. When my grandma had a stroke and later on died from cancer and complications, I was a teenager then and I was either in college or just got out of college, I didn’t know how to deal with my emotions back then.. Therefore, I didn’t know how to be a decent human being and stayed away from my grandma for the most part due to I did not like what I saw in her everyday life. Disabled with one side of her body paralyzed, needless to say I didn’t enjoy the sight of her suffering so I chose the safest way out of dealing with it.. I stayed away. One of the biggest mistake of my life… The day before she died, I apologized but I’m not even sure if she understood what I wanted to tell her. She couldn’t talk with a tube down her throat, but she held and squeezed my hand real tight when I told her I’m sorry and that I love her.

When my grandpa passed away, another biggest mistake of my life.. He was always reaching out to me, FaceTime was just kinda new then so we would FaceTime but not as much as I knew he wanted.. I was busy.. with work, school, life, etc.. I forgot that there was this man who owned my heart whose clinging and longing for his dear granddaughter who lives far away.. He wasn’t demanding for all of my time, he just wanted a glimpse or a sight of me every once in a while, but I was too busy and took for granted the person who broke my heart into pieces when I found out he passed away and I didn’t even get to say goodbye. My world crushed and I didn’t know how to pick up the pieces. New marriage, new move from Texas to PA, new job.. I thank my husband for being ‘my strength’ in my time of needs. I was a wreck. I always front a smile on my face but deep down I was damaged. If not for my family back home and my husband, I just don’t know.. So to those who watches and reads this, hold the ones you love close and let them know you love them. Don’t take them for granted coz you may never know when the time comes where what you have turns into what you had.

Please Don’t Get Me Attached If You’re Going To Throw Me Away Like Trash

Dear CV,

Please don’t bring my hopes up if you’re only going to let me down. Please don’t play me like a fool. Please don’t be acting like you like me even when the truth is that you don’t. Please don’t force me to become attached to you even though you’re just planning to discard me eventually. I know that what we have isn’t necessarily something that most people would consider to be official. I know that our relationship isn’t as solid as other peoples’.

I know that we’ve never had “that talk” and that I have no right to be demanding commitment from you. Maybe I played a somewhat important role in your life, but not important enough to actually do something about it. I didn’t mean as much to you as I may have wanted to. I didn’t play that significant of a role in your life that would actually compel you to fight for me; to make an effort for me. I know that I wanted to be everything to you, but you weren’t willing to let me be that for you. I know that I wanted to be the one who held the key to your heart, but you didn’t want to let yourself become vulnerable to me in that way.

I always feel an immense happiness and joy whenever I get to spend time with you. I get butterflies deep inside my tummy whenever you are around. I feel like my heart skips a beat whenever I hear your name. But none of that is ever going to be good enough for me. None of that will be enough to satisfy me. I want to spend as much of my time with you as I can. I want to be able to give my whole world to you.

I want to be able to give you everything that I am in the hopes that you would do the same for me. But I know that I’m only going to end up being heartbroken when it’s all said and done. I know that my heart is only going to end up in a million pieces when you’re through with me. I know that if I give my heart to you, I’m going to end up crying myself to sleep every night as a result. And that’s what scares me. It scares me because I’m the kind of person who always lets the heart lead the way. I always live my life according to my feelings and not on reason.

My heart always seems to win over my mind. And even though I know it’s a bad idea to give myself to you, my heart is imploring me to do so anyway. It’s as if all of my logic is compromised because of the emotional effect that you have on me. All of my reason is gone because of how enamored I am by you. All of my better judgment is completely thrown out of the window because of this little thing called love. And what makes things worse is that my love seems to be growing more and more with each passing day.

It’s as if even though I know it’s bad for me, I just keep on coming back for it. And it’s not necessarily something that I can control. It’s not something that I can just will out of my life. It’s like a virus that is eating away at my insides, and I just happen to be helpless to its advances.

However, I do know that you don’t feel the same way. I do know that you can’t replicate the love that I have for you in the same manner. And I also do know that there is very little hope for you to change. But I can’t help but wish for things to be better. I still can’t help but wish that somehow reality is going to defy logic. I can’t help but wish that you would eventually fall for me too even though I know that it’s a real long shot.

I wish that you could see me as a genuine partner; someone with whom you can experience things in life with. I no longer want to be the one who is always hearing about you and your experiences. I want to be experiencing these things with you. I want to be the one who is standing at your side as you make your way through life’s various ups and downs. I know that I am a person of value, and I just wish that you would be able to see that as well. But if all of that is a practical impossibility, then just please stay away from me. Don’t lead me on. Don’t get me hooked. Don’t drag me along if you’re just going to ditch me along the way.

This Is How You Lose A Girl Who Loves You Without You Even Knowing It

You lose her whenever you make her think that she isn’t really worthy of being a priority in your life. You lose her when you make her feel like a mere option to you even though you’re practically the centre of her entire universe. She always did the best that she could to give you everything that you needed. She always did her best to make you feel that she was willing to give you everything that she could give even though you never showed her the same kind of willingness.

You lose her whenever you keep her at a distance and you make her feel like she isn’t welcome in your life. She is always trying to bridge the gap between the two of you. She is always trying to get intimate with you. She is always trying to get close to you because she knows that that is what it takes to sustain a healthy relationship with you. However, you are always shutting her down. You are always making her feel like you’re not willing to open yourself up to her.

You lose her whenever you make her feel insecure about her place in your life and your relationship. You are slowly losing her whenever you don’t give her the security that she needs to feel safe while she’s with you. She’s desperately trying to hold on to you, but you aren’t really giving her much incentive to stay with you. You are constantly feeding into her insecurities, and you’re diminishing her confidence and sense of self-worth. You make her feel so alone and sad even though you’re always spending time together.

This is the kind of girl who is willing to make all the sacrifices in the world for you and yet you never seem to give her the gratitude or appreciation that she deserves. You never throw her a bone even though she has been nothing but loyal to you.

You lose her every single time you lie to her. You lose her every single time you betray her trust. You lose her every single time you make her feel like you don’t respect her enough to tell her the truth. You lose her whenever you deceive her even though she is always trying to be honest and true to you. You lose her every time she feels that you’re just trying to fool her.

You lose her whenever you don’t really give her ay signs that you’re ready to commit to the relationship. You lose her whenever you don’t make her feel like you’re ready to share a future with her. She is so ready to just drop everything and centre her entire life around you, but you don’t seem to make her feel safe to do so. She doesn’t know if you’re still going to be in her life tomorrow, next month, next year. You never make her feel like you’re always going to be there for her. She so desperately wants to depend on you. However, you never give her reason to do so. You are as unreliable as can be. And it breaks her heart to know that she can’t really count on you to always be there for her – it hurts her because she knows that she would go running to you whenever you call.

You lose her whenever you throw threats and ultimatums at her about your relationship. She secretly gets heartbroken whenever you use your love and affection as some kind of bargaining chip. It breaks her heart whenever you just manipulate and abuse her love for you. She gets really sad whenever she realizes that you’re just using her; that you’re just taking her for granted. It makes her realize that you’re not really being serious about her. It shows that you have no respect for the love that she has for you; and that you don’t really value it the way that you should.

You lose her every single time you make her feel like she is less of a person than she actually is. You lose her every time you make her feel like a mere object that exists for your own pleasure. You lose her whenever you treat her like some kind of experiment; wherein you just manipulate her to test the boundaries of her love.

You lose her every time you disappoint her and you don’t follow through. You lose her whenever you break promises to her. You lose her whenever you fail to give her a sense of stability and consistency. She is never going to be able to rely on you even though she desperately wants to. You lose her whenever you make her jump through hoops for you even though you don’t do the same for her.