​And Now, There Is No Love‬

‪
‪Remember that one time when things felt different? Like something had changed in the air and we had breathed it in and in breathing it in we became content and calm and not angry anymore?‬
‪It was the little things that were different but really you and I both knew they were big things. Huge things. Like the fact that we kissed in the morning instead of just giving each other quick hugs before dashing off into the personal busyness of our lives. Or how we sat together and read the paper on Sunday morning and drank cheap coffee and were perfectly okay with the quietness between us. Those things were all different and new – and it’s strange, but it made us fall in love again.‬
‪Remember how we skipped work in the middle of the week to spend the day with each other? We did it because that’s what people who are in love do sometimes and for that day we were in love. We packed sandwiches and drove somewhere far away and pretended that we were in a place new and interesting. It was exciting because it was probably the most spontaneous thing we had done in a long time. Or maybe ever.‬
‪During our time together on our secret rendezvous, we sat close and poured everything out until we had nothing left to pour. You made me laugh and laugh and laugh and it made my heart grow big. Like literally I could feel my heart growing bigger and it made me love you even more. Things were different and better and for that moment we were happy.‬
‪When we grew tired of talking, we sat closed and said nothing, letting the silence envelop us in a way that was comforting but not stifling. In those moments, we forgot about everything that had weighed us both down for so long and we just let ourselves be content.‬
‪During those silences, thoughts crossed my mind. I thought about me and you together and us in the future. I thought about us buying a little fixer upper in that quirky little neighborhood we both loved. I thought about us hosting cute little get-togethers in our little fixer upper. I dreamt of us making babies and having those babies and raising those babies in our cute little fixer upper. And thinking about all that didn’t scare me. For once, it didn’t scare me and I was okay with loving you.‬
‪See Why NEW Playtex® Sport® Compact is the Go-To Tampon for Active Women Like Aly Raisman‬

‪Ad by Playtex Sport‬

‪I remember thinking how good you looked. Every time I looked at you I wanted you and I wanted you to want me. I had never felt safer than I did at that moment when our bodies were entwined with each other. We were less like puzzle pieces fit snug together and more like a ball of tangled yarn with no beginning and no end and messy and complicated and frustrating but still good. Still really good.‬
‪Being apart was surprisingly difficult the days following. I remember desperately looking forward to seeing you at the end of each day – I missed you – and it felt good to hug you and I know it felt good for you to hug me too. You said that you loved me. I said the same. And we meant it.‬
‪But then the week started to come to a close like all weeks do and we began to notice that whatever that was in the air that had brought us together was now starting to fade. We took in deep breaths and desperately tried to hold onto that magical air – the air that had affected our lives in such a way that made everything seem too perfect, for too short a time. But that air escaped our grasp and quietly removed itself, refusing to tell us whether it would return or not.‬
‪With it’s gradual departure, we both began to feel that sense of dread coming back. No matter how hard we tried to ignore it, we couldn’t and then that dread settled in and got comfortable and mocked us as if to say ‘Hah! You thought that was going to be your forever?’‬
‪With it’s parting things began to change back and soon you became slightly more angry and slightly more sad and I became slightly more frustrated and slightly more hopeless and we both grew tired again.  So we fell back into our old habits and we started filling our evenings with things we needed to do to avoid the realization that that was gone.‬
‪We think about that period often. When we were happy for that moment. When things made sense and it wasn’t difficult to understand why you and I found each other out of all the people. But now that time is over, and those moments  are just memories and today we just remember it as that time before things went so terribly wrong.

love interest

I have no love interests in my life but that doesn’t scare me and doesn’t mean one day I won’t have that again. And perhaps then, I will be comfortable enough with myself. I had so many things to discover on my own and I needed to go through that process by myself. I have learned to be comfortable alone without guilt or fear of scrutiny from others. It has opened so many more doors and allowed me to truly grow into the person I always knew I was capable of becoming. ‪It gives me a chance to think about things, to tell myself where I’m going wrong in life and to compliment myself on little achievements. It helps me take things one step at a time. I know that I will not be alone forever and look forward to the day when I can share my life with someone I will love. But for now, the person I most want to lean on for security, for strength and for comfort is myself. It’s the healthiest relationship I have ever had. ‬

I always do stupid things just to get his attention. The consequence I always have to face is giving low reflection of myself to anyone especially him because the fact that I always act as if something happened or having conversation to someone not because Id like to but for me to get his attention. Sali lang ko pasumangil,papansin. I always promise myself to stop my crazy doings but I always failed especially when my eyes sees his humanity. I am inlove with him although he doesnt love me.

my wish

I wish I have found the one I can be my most comfortable and vulnerable self now and live the life I envy of other people in the arms of someone or being kissed on their foreheads and cheeks. I really do. If I could pick the easiest way out and be in several meaningless relationships or dates, I would if my wiser self is shut out completely.

I have been trying to live for myself and for the greater good. I have been working on being contended with being alone for a very long time. That childish mindset has to go. That mature mindset has to be built. As much as possible I would like to prove myself that, that day will unexpectedly happen as he will be right beside me, holding my hands, looks at me with so much love and supports me in everything I do. I am a girl that doesn’t need a man, I want though, but I don’t need them. I find myself feeling free when I think about I’m on my own and do not feel incomplete, moreover it feels like an unnecessary rock to carry on my shoulders with a relationship as of now. It will be a great addition to my life, but life for me now is good by myself and few close friends, family and my pet cat. It will hurt. It will be a real struggle some will not understand, but that’s okay, we have different journeys to take from the rest. Be patient and also brave to let go of the fear are key. Cheers!

sad girl

‪No One Wants To Love A Sad Girl‬
‪No one wants to love a sad girl. She is neither the daisies nor the roses. She doesn’t find spring at her feet. She is the melancholic thoughts with an anxious mind. She finds comfort in wearing turtlenecks to cover her face when she cries. She is the one to be late for dates because she has been racing back and forth in her apartment deciding whether or not to go. She cannot bring life to the room with her rings of laughter because she is busy staring at something unknown. You cannot flaunt her to your friends because she always looks so exhausted.‬
‪No one wants to love a sad girl because she is a forever battle you are afraid you will be forced to fight. She makes problems out of nothing and nothing out of everything. She is not spontaneous. She is not the one to sit by the bonfire humming a sweet tune with hair all over her face that you gently tuck behind her ears. Instead you have to hold her hair back tight with her face over the toilet seat vomiting all over.‬
‪No one wants to love a sad girl because she is not easy. She has a baggage. She is not that girl on TV you wish you have. No day is the same. No one knows what will the next moment bring in. She is not the one to look perfect in your t-shirt and Calvins with the perfect pair of lips sipping a smoothie through a straw. She is not your manic-pixie dream girl. She does not care for the thousand bucks spent on makeup or the wasted gym membership.‬
‪No one wants to love a sad girl because when you first saw her she did not look sad. She had well, a strong face and a sharp tongue. And, you enjoyed it. You seemed to like that edge but not so much when she started telling her story and you started seeing her phases. You panicked. You do not want that. You do not want to be that person who could not make her happy even though you were the one and every reason who made her try to be happy. You wanted the same version of every story with a side of extra pepper. And so you don’t. And it’s okay because she deserves the mountain while you are just a pebble of the ocean. ‬
‪

10 things I learned when he left me

.
1. Smoking 3 packs of cigarettes a day won’t numb the pain.
2. Your friends will do anything to distract you but the only thing you’ll be thinking about is him.
3. Checking if he’s online all the time will only remind you that he will never call again.
4. Don’t listen to music for a while because every damn song will remind you of him.
5. Kissing strangers won’t fill the hole he left in you.
6. Being drunk almost everyday won’t help you forget him.
7. Seeing him with someone else will make you wanna throw up. But you’ll turn around and act like you didn’t see him holding her hand, because it’s been almost 7 months and people expect you to be over it by now.
8. Hearing someone say his name will make you ache.
9. You’ll want to scream when you see how pretty she is.
10. Blocking his number and deleting every picture of him won’t help you forget what happened and how much you loved him.

you and him

“You don’t love him.”

he challenges, a small smirk appearing on his thin lips. 

“Excuse me?”

“You can’t.”

“He makes me happy,“ I retort. I cross my arms and stare defiantly up at him. 

“Sure.” He shrugs. “I didn’t say he didn’t. But you don’t love him. He doesn’t get under your skin the way I did.”

“That’s a good thing.”

“You keep lying to yourself. You say he makes you happy, but it’s not the happiness that I made you feel. It’s not the tingle in your fingers and the butterflies in your stomach. You like him cuz he’s safe. He won’t hurt you. He’s smart and funny and kind, but he’s oh so safe.”

“Safe is a good thing.” I nod at him firmly. 

“Not for you. I can see it in your eyes. You want recklessness. You want fiery passion. You want danger. In fact, I think you need it. You thrive on it.” He steps closer, breath warm on my face. One hand slips gingerly around the small of my back and the other rests on my cheek. My breath catches in my throat. He leans down, lips just brushing my ear. My skin prickles with goosebumps, and a smile sneaks it’s way onto my face.

“See? I told you.”

​Fuckboy isn’t just a term, it’s an identity.

Fuckboy isn’t just a term, it’s an identity.
I’ve spent two years pining over boys who left me and perfecting my profile pictures on Tinder, Bumble, Omegle or any miscellaneous dating app designed to distract myself from being alone. I’ve gone on good dates, bad dates, slept with Fuckboys and sat by my phone anxiously awaiting a text that never came. Sound familiar, ladies?
In my search for the perfect man, I became determined to try out every type of boy. The finance guy who lives, breathes, eats Wall Street bullshit. The Hollywood agent who honks when he’s outside and only orders the Kale salad, “Walnuts on the side, please.” The hipster hunk who thinks that an IPA and sexy smile will make you swoon in Silverlake. Boys, not men, ladies. Boys.
I felt like I had mastered all these dating disguises. I created my own checklist of qualities and character traits that seemed to satisfy this need to find Mr. Right. In my mind I would ask the same questions:
College degree? Check.
Employment? Check.
Ambition? Check.
Loyalty? No-go.
One fateful evening, I met a boy whose eyes reminded me of a stormy grey sky and hipster haircut wooed me. He checked all of my boxes. I fell, and I fell hard.
We’ve all heard the phrase, “Girls give sex to get love, guys give love to get sex.” So, when I went home with him that night, I should’ve known better. I should’ve told myself that there’d be no second date or to have no expectations. Except, I didn’t, and we all are guilty of making that mistake.
We would see each other, every Friday for two months. It was like clockwork. He’d call, I’d run over and I’d pretend that it mattered. The way he kissed me or caressed my sleeping face meant that he cared. I would tell myself, “That I was different.” That his morning coffee would cure me and lack of commitment was only temporary. I would build fantasies in my mind and overthink every detail of our interactions, dissecting them with my fellow girlfriends.
In reality, I was just his Friday night girl and he was my fuckboy.
Fuckboy isn’t just a term used in our generation: it’s an identity that has been accepted by women everywhere. Fuckboys are Fuckboys because they give us hope. They make us believe that there is a chance. There is a chance to change them, to make them ours.
Wake up ladies, there is no chance.
As I sat in his bed curled up in his covers with the sweet taste of wine on my lips, I had to ask. “Do you see this going anywhere? I like you and I just need to know.” His reaction was cold. His arms grew tense and what once was a sensual moment became stricken with panic. An argument erupted with his final words, “I pity you.”
The way those words hit me was like whiplash in a bad car accident; so sudden, so painful and so unbelievably unforgettable. It struck a chord so deep inside me that I didn’t fully comprehend the damage that been done. And yet I stayed the night, we made love and I left. I waited for weeks for a phone call or text that never came.
The repercussions of those 3 words, left me broken, hopeless and alone. I reached out to friends, consulted family and even started to see a therapist. As the time went on, I could still feel myself desperately wanting the attention of said Fuckboy. Why didn’t I deserve a text? A phone call? The torture of rejection is the most painful pang of them all.
On this road to recovery, I started to build a schedule for myself to finally just STOP thinking about him. I bought myself a gym membership, deleted the dating apps and invested money and time in MYSELF. I sweat puddles at the gym, ate sushi instead of spaghetti and decided to start paying off those college loans that I had so eagerly avoided. Although, I was making progress- I didn’t feel better but no journey ever starts easily.
The last and final choice I made was celibacy. When I think of the word, I think of a wrought iron belt strapped against a woman’s lady parts with a lock and no key. The hard metal creating a barrier between herself and those who wish to pursue her. That is what I created. This mental barrier made of steel, protecting me from Fuckboys everywhere. This newfound ability and power too simply say “No.”
The response from men was astounding: the respect, the awe and admiration. A woman who knows what she wants. A woman who isn’t afraid to say “no.” The ability to push a man’s hand away as it tightly grips my t-shirt or pull away when I wasn’t ready for a first kiss.
Ladies, this is the strongest tool of them all.
Say goodbye to Fuckboys and hello, to morning texts and self-respect. Fuckboys were created because we allowed them to use and abuse us. Take a stand and honor yourself. There are too many women out there who experienced a situation or circumstance similar to mine. Too many times have we allowed this behavior to become acceptable and a social norm.
I declare, to end the Fuckboy era! 
Let’s bring chivalry back with open car doors and “no” to Netflix and chill. The moment you allow yourself this power, is the moment you free yourself from Fuckboys.
✉️ Zoe Bernstein

fall in love with someone

Fall in love with someone who will love you unconditionally. Who will accept your flaws, imperfections, shortcomings and make you feel that you’re worth having. Who will fight for you despite the difficulties and storms in life. Who will understand you and your insane or annoying mannerisms. Who will pacify you until you become okay. Who will talk to you after a long fight.
Fall in love with someone who will appreciate your efforts, and who will guide you and support you throughout your goals in life. Who will still be with you at the end of the day, who will travel for hours just to see your smile. Who will always be by your side, whatever happens.
Fall in love with someone who will kiss you every time and make you feel that you’re the most significant being in the world. Who will make you feel the sudden rush and sensation inside. Who will serenade you through phone calls until you fall asleep, and greet and text you with long and sweet messages when you wake up.
Fall in love with someone who can be your best friend and a lover at the same time. Who will stay up late with you and talk about random things in life. Who will spend the rest of the day with you, joking around, playing and laughing all day long. Who will never ever get tired of holding your hand and show to everyone how deeply he/she is in love with you.
Fall in love with someone who will forgive you every time. Who will love you first before his/her hobbies, work and anything/anyone else in this world. Who will make your every moment a heavenly bliss. Who will comply his/her promise to you. Who will respect you and your decisions in life.
Fall in love with someone who can love your soul more than your body. Who can eliminate your worries, tears, and doubts. Who will never get tired of understanding you. Who will make you happy and feel contented. Who will never fail to amaze you.
💌 E.J. 

why I’m letting yu go

Why I’m Letting You Go
Out of all the people I fell in love with, you were the one who I pictured a life with. Not any life, but the life I’ve always wanted. You were the one that I felt something with I have never felt before. You were the one whose with, it made sense. You were the one of my dreams. You were a wish that came true too soon. A dream that turned to a nightmare, a disappointment, a heartache.
Please believe me when I say that I forgive you. I don’t hate you but I most definitely hate the way you let me go. And I’ll never understand how easily you did it. I’ll never understand how flawlessly you forgot about me. But, I forgive you because I really loved you. I forgive you because I don’t want to give you power over the person I am and the future I could possibly have. I forgive you because I don’t need you to tell me what the truth is. I forgive you because that’s just who I am.
This is me letting you go for good. I’m accepting the fact that you belong with someone else. That someday, you’ll be waking-up next to someone who isn’t me. And that someday you’ll be someone’s everything. I’m letting go of hope that you’ll contact me. So, I’m blocking you everywhere. I’m letting go of fantasizing that you’ll tell me you’re sorry about everything just one last time. That you’ll tell me how much you missed me, but most importantly, that you’ll show it. I’m letting go of my desire that you’ll let me in, not half-way, not sort of but completely. I’m letting go of me thinking that you’ll come back because it’s always been me. I’m letting you go. And it’s not because I don’t love you still.
I’m letting you go because I want to be happy. I know that without you, I am not happy. But, I also know that with you I am not happy either. So I need to find my medium place where I am happy regardless. A place without memories of you in it, a place without a picture of you in it as well. I need to start over.
I’m letting you go because you gave-up. You gave-up on me, you gave-up on us, you gave-up on love. And so I get it when you said you had nothing to fight for. I’m letting you go because loving you has no meaning if it only stinks, if it only pains me. Because I can’t tell what’s real anymore. And because it’s my last resort. I’m letting you go because slowly but surely you too, let me go. 
fa

​This Is Why So Many Introverts End Up In Toxic Relationships

This Is Why So Many Introverts End Up In Toxic Relationships
 

Introverts end up in toxic relationships, because they’re capable of taking care of themselves. They don’t need anyone’s help to make money or to clean their apartment or to keep them entertained.
But some introverts take this too far and think it’s okay that their partner isn’t around to wipe away their tears and help them up when they fall. They think it’s okay that their partner is leaving them to fend for themselves.
Introverts end up in toxic relationships because they never ask for much. They don’t expect their partner to take them out on expensive dates and text them back after two seconds. They’re happy with the basics.
And some people will take advantage of that fact. Some people will use an introvert’s kindness as an excuse not to do anything nice for them. As an excuse to avoid spoiling them.
Introverts end up in toxic relationships because they are givers. Good listeners. The kind of people who don’t mind if their partner talks and talks without ever asking any questions.
They can easily be walked over, because they try to make their partner happy, even if that means sacrificing their own needs. They don’t care about themselves. Not really. They care more about their loved ones.
Introverts end up in toxic relationships, because they sell themselves short. Because they don’t believe they deserve special attention, so when their partner fails to give it to them, they never bat an eye.
They assume that their toxic relationship is a normal relationship. They never see the red flags until it’s too late.
Introverts end up in toxic relationships because they don’t click with many people. It’s rare for them to find someone they feel comfortable around, someone that they are willing to sacrifice alone time for. When they find a person like that, they cling to them.
Even if the relationship goes downhill fast, they try their hardest to fix what’s broken because they don’t want to say goodbye. They don’t want to ruin whatever they have built over one small misunderstanding.
Introverts hate confrontation as much as they hate change. They would rather turn a blind eye and hope that things will get better than start an unwanted argument. They would rather accept poor treatment than fight about it.
Besides, they’re always worried about coming across as too emotional. About overreacting when the problem isn’t even that big of a deal in the first place. So they keep their sadness inside. They force themselves not to cry.
Introverts end up in toxic relationships, because even though they would never admit it, they want to be liked. They want to feel needed. They want to be in a relationship that lasts.
Introverts are honest and trustworthy people — and they assume that their partner shares those morals. They assume that their partner would never hurt them.
They assume that everyone is as faithful and thoughtful as they are. 
✉️ Holly Riordan